Purpose for Sex

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I am choosing to have one of the pages on my web site devoted to the “Purpose for Sex”.  Why would I do this?

Here goes:

  1. Many of the men and students I have helped were not taught the true purpose of sex growing up, either in their homes or in church.
  2. Culture is teaching many false things about sex and its purpose.
  3. If I understand the purpose for sex, then I have a much better shot of understanding God’s boundaries.

I will break the purposes for sex into these 7 parts:

  1. Sex is worship.
  2. Sex is about intimacy.
  3. Sex demonstrates faithfulness.
  4. Sex is intended to be a selfless act.
  5. Sex is for pleasure.
  6. Sex produces a Godly heritage.
  7. God honoring sex can only be heterosexual.

If you would like to speak with Josh about this or have him come speak to your church, school, or camp, please contact him by clicking the link below:

Contact Josh

Below are more detailed thoughts I have on the 7 purposes for sex.

Sex is worship –

I am sure you might think this is a crazy thought, but just bear with me.

Genesis 1-2 gives us the Biblical account of creation.  Colossians 1 shows us that all of creation is for Jesus.  We were created by Jesus so we could worship Jesus.

Because of sin, the wrong things we say and do, as well as the wrong in our hearts and minds, we are separated from God and destined for hell.  Many passages in Scripture talk about this.  To name a few you can look at Romans 3 and 6, and Ephesians 2.  We were created for Him, but because of sin, we can’t live for Him.

The Bible also teaches us that God made a way through Christ for us to be forgiven so we could know Him and worship Him.  You can see this throughout Scripture, but a few great passages to look at on this are Romans 6, Ephesians 1-2, or Colossians 1.

Once I place my faith and trust in Christ, I am a child of God, and I can now live out my purpose (Worshiping Him!).

Knowing Jesus changes our perspective on everything.  It changes how I do single life or married life.  It impacts how I raise my kids and spend my money.  Knowing Christ changes how I view entertainment, work, leisure, etc.

And guess what?  Knowing Christ changes my perspective of sex.  Christ created me to worship Him.  Christ went to the cross and rose from the dead so I could worship Him.  All of life is about His glory.  All of life revolves around Him.  He changes how I think, speak, act, etc.

Sex has been so distorted in our culture.  Therefore, when I call it an act of worship towards Jesus it weirds people out.

Take the perversion away for a second.  Think of how beautiful God is, and think of the beauty and magnificence of His creation.  Strip away any perverse thought and just think about how beautiful the idea of sex really is.  Two becoming one in body, but more importantly, becoming one deep in their soul.

God created this.  There is an entire book in Scripture (Song of Solomon) devoted to it.

God set aside this heterosexual act to be done in the context of marriage.  I will explain why in later posts.

Just think of it: For the married person, they can have pure, holy sex with their spouse with no shame as an act of worship towards Almighty God.

Students and Singles can wait until marriage to participate in this.  Waiting is an act of worship to Almighty God.

Some people are called to singleness.  Paul talks about this in 1 Corinthians 7.  A single person can go their entire life and not have sex.  Somehow in this, if a person will really press in with the Lord, God can have real intimacy with this person.  And it can be greater intimacy than any sex act.  For this single person, that is amazing worship.

I will talk more about intimacy in my next blog.

My point is this: All of life is about Jesus, and every aspect of my life can be an act of worship to Him.

Think about what Paul says in Acts 20:24. It reads, “But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God.”

Paul had one purpose (worship Jesus).  He did not consider his own life dear to himself.

We consider our lives very dear, and we have elevated sex to this place of supremacy.

What if we said, “I don’t count my life dear to me (anything in my life, including sex).  I just want to live my life for Jesus and His Gospel.”

If I lived like this, and God gave me the gift of sex in the context of marriage, then every time I had sex it would be for Him to worship Him and bring glory to His name!

May we worship Jesus in every aspect of our life.  May we worship Him while having sex in heterosexual marriage, and may we worship while abstaining outside of marriage.

May we talk about this in the church and in our Christian home.

Let’s not be afraid to talk about what God was not afraid to create.  In fact, let’s talk about it appropriately, but openly.  Let’s be very clear that God’s purpose for sex was to bring Honor and Glory to His name!

Sex is about intimacy –

Before we dive in, let’s take a step back and look at the type of relationship God wants with us.  In my last post, we looked at how God created us for the express purpose of worshiping Him.  I explained how this included sex. What an amazing thought!  The God of the universe created us to worship Him.

The only way we can worship Him like this is if we have relationship with Him.  Because of sin (the wrong things we do), we are separated from God and cannot have a relationship with Him.  That is why Jesus came.  Jesus left heaven, came to earth, lived a perfect life, and died as a perfect sacrifice for us on the cross.  He rose from the dead and ascended back into Heaven.  He did all this to bring glory to God, and it brings glory to God to make a way for us to worship Him.  Christ’s death and resurrection made it possible for us to have a relationship with God, and through this relationship, we can live a life of worship to God.

Think about it:  The God of the Universe wants us to worship Him!  What a privilege!  The God of the Universe gives us the chance to know Him and have relationship with Him.  In fact, in Revelation 3:20, we see that God actually wants to have deep intimacy and connection with us.  That passage says this, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me.”  God wants to dine with us.  He wants to dine, hang out, connect, etc.!  What does He really want with us?  Intimacy!

In Genesis 1-2, He experienced intimacy like this with Adam and Eve before they sinned.  He experiences the same intimacy with those who commit their lives to follow Christ, assuming these followers let Christ pursue them for this intimacy.

Life is truly about having intimacy with God and worshiping Him.  My life of worship towards God flows out the intimacy I have with Him.

I am sure at this point you are thinking, “What does this have to do with sex?”

In Genesis 2:24-25, it says this, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.  And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”

God designed sex to take place in the context of marriage, and we will discuss this in a later post.  The husband and wife are to leave mom and dad, and they are to connect to one another.  In this connection, they become one.  I am not trying to be graphic, but in the act of sex it truly is that two become one.  Those two bodies are literally joined together, and they are experiencing physical intimacy.  It is so much more than that though.  When one has sex, there is an intimate connection deep within that person’s heart and soul, and brain science is showing us that there is literally a bond that occurs between two people when they engage in a sex act.

Sex is designed to produce a bond.  It is designed to be intimate, and in this intimacy, there is no shame.  When I have sex God’s way, I experience deep intimacy with my spouse, and there is no shame when the sex act is complete.  In fact, there is the exact opposite of shame.  There is this great feeling of being connected.

Here comes the awesome part.  When a husband and wife experience intimacy, they are reflecting the same intimacy that God wants with us.  Don’t jump to conclusions here.  I am not saying God wants a sexual relationship with us.  What does He want?  We already said it.  He wants intimacy!

He wants us to be connected to Him, bonded to Him, one with Him.  When I commit my life to Jesus, he sends His Holy Spirit to live inside of me.  When I experience intimacy with God I am doing this through the power of the Holy Spirit.  The goal is that I would be having such great intimacy with God that I am literally one with the Holy Spirit inside of me.  This intimacy leads me to worship of God.  Why?  It is worship because I am one with Him.

Sex is about intimacy, about oneness.  When I do this God’s way, it is worship.  When I do it His way, it is about intimacy (intimacy with my spouse and reflecting intimacy with Him).  When I have sex God’s way, it is simply beautiful!

If you are reading this and you are single, would you wait for the one God has for you to be intimate with?  If He calls you to singleness, will you let intimacy with Him be enough?  If you are single and have already participated in sex outside of God’s plan, will you repent and experience God’s forgiveness?  If this is you, let me give you some passages to read.  Just click on these links:

If you don’t know Christ-

Ephesians 2:1-10

Romans 10:9-10

If you do know Christ-

1 John 1:9

Psalm 51

If you are reading this and are married, would you commit to let sex be about intimacy and about worship of God?  If we would do this, then it’s very hard to be selfish sexually.  We will talk about the selfless aspect in a later blog.

Bottom line: Will we commit to do sex God’s way?  Will we pursue true sexual intimacy with our spouse if married?  Ultimately, will all of us choose to dine with Jesus and have deep intimacy with Him?

To do life and sex like this would be an act of worship to God.  Are you seeing how these purposes go together?

Sex demonstrates faithfulness –

God is Faithful.  This is who He is.  Even when we are faithless to Him, He is faithful to us.  2 Timothy 2 talks about this.

One of the ways He demonstrates that faithfulness is through the cross of Christ.  Romans 5:8 tells us that Christ died for us when we were sinners.  He didn’t die for us when we were faithful.  He died for us when we were the exact opposite.  That is amazing!

Let me tell you some other ways God has been faithful when others are faithless.  The Bible is broken up into 2 parts, the Old Testament and the New Testament.  The Old Testament tells us quite a bit about God’s chosen nation, Israel.

One example of God’s faithfulness can be found in the book of Judges.  The children of Israel would obey, and God was faithful.  The children of Israel would disobey by being unfaithful (bowing down to other gods), and God would discipline them.  As they are experiencing discipline, they would cry out to Him for freedom from the discipline they were experiencing.  He could have chosen not to be faithful.  They didn’t deserve for Him to be faithful. What did He do?  He demonstrated His faithfulness to them by rescuing them.  Amazing!

He has done this in my life.  For years I chose to bow down to the idol of porn instead of bowing down to Jesus.  He didn’t give up on me.  He didn’t abandon me.  He chose to be faithful.  He stuck with me.  He pursued me.  He was faithful to me when I was faithless.

My wife has demonstrated this kind of faithfulness as well.  I was unfaithful to her as I bowed down to porn.  I was faithless, but she remained faithful.  She didn’t give up on me.  She didn’t abandon me.  She stuck with me.  She pursued me.  She is an amazing woman!  What a gift from God!

Faithfulness is supposed to be demonstrated through sex.  This is one of the reasons why sex is contained to the heterosexual marriage bed.  I can’t be faithful to God’s plan of heterosexual sex if I walk down the path of homosexuality.  I can’t be faithful to God’s plan of sex if I have multiple sex partners along the way.  I don’t just mean partners where intercourse took place.  I mean partners where anything sexual takes place.  I can’t be faithful to God’s plan of sex if I am involved in porn or involved in sexting. I can’t be participating in masturbation and be faithful to God’s plan for sex.  I can’t do these things prior to marriage, and I can’t do them while married.

Remember, I just mentioned my own porn struggle from my past.  I am not throwing rocks here.  God does forgive.  I have experienced this!  We looked at that in Part 2 of this series.  If you need a reminder on this, read these passages from the Bible:

If you don’t know Christ-

Ephesians 2:1-10

Romans 10:9-10

If you do know Christ-

1 John 1:9

Psalm 51

It’s not about throwing rocks.  It’s about saying that we want to commit to being faithful in the context of sex and marriage.  Genesis 2 talks about leaving parents and cleaving to your spouse.  I want to connect with my wife, be one with my wife, and be faithful to my wife.

Let’s get very practical here.

What does this mean if I am single?

I am going to choose to not participate in sexual sin.  As a follower of Christ, I have the Holy Spirit in me.  I can let Him empower my life so I can walk away from sexual temptation and sexual sin.  I can choose to be faithful to God and abstain.  I can choose to be faithful to my future mate.  If God does not provide me a future mate, then being faithful to God will be enough.  How?  He will demonstrate that faithfulness to the one who is single.  I know this because I have many I am connected with who are single, and I know one person in particular who speaks to me of God’s faithfulness in the midst of her singleness.  This can be done!  And it’s a beautiful thing!

What does this mean if I am married?

When I choose to run away from sexual temptation, I am demonstrating faithfulness to my spouse.  When I choose not to put myself in situations where I will be tempted, I am demonstrating faithfulness to my spouse.  When I only participate in sex in the context of marriage with my spouse, then I am demonstrating faithfulness to my spouse.  When I am demonstrating this faithfulness to my spouse, I am ultimately reflecting the faithfulness that God shows to me in all aspects of my life.

He is faithful.  I want to be faithful to Him.  I want to be faithful to my wife.  When I demonstrate faithfulness to my wife and ultimately, to God, then I am worshiping!

Let us all be thankful for the faithfulness of God, and may God empower us to demonstrate faithfulness when it comes to sex, as well as every other aspect of our life.

As I close,  I am reminded of an old hymn by Thomas Obadiah Chisholm, Great is Thy Faithfulness.

Here are the lyrics:

Great Is Thy Faithfulness, Thomas Chisholm – 1925

Great Is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father!
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

Great Is Thy faithfulness,
Great Is Thy faithfulness,
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy Faithfulness, Lord unto me!

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon, and stars in their courses above,
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy, and love.

Great Is Thy faithfulness,
Great Is Thy faithfulness,
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy Faithfulness, Lord unto me!

Pardon for Sin and a peace that endureth,
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide,
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Great Is Thy faithfulness,
Great Is Thy faithfulness,
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy Faithfulness, Lord unto me!

Sex is intended to be a selfless act –

I want to warn you in advance.  This one is going to be awkward and uncomfortable, but I really feel like these things need to be shared.  Try to hang with me until the end.

Too many times in life, we make it about us.  Why?  We do this because we are selfish people.  The same is true about sex. Too many times, we make sex about us.  Why?  We do this because we are selfish people.

Before we talk about sex, let’s just talk about selflessness for a little bit.  Paul tells us in Philippians 2 that we are to have the same attitude as Jesus Christ.  Jesus is God, and He did not consider equality with God something to be grasped.  He left heaven and took on the form of a servant by coming to earth.  He suffered and bled and died so we could be forgiven, have right relationship with Him, and live for His Glory.

If leaving heaven to come to earth to die is not selfless, then I don’t know what it means to be selfless.  We are to have this same attitude.  Mark 8 and Luke 9 talk about how as followers of Jesus we are to die to ourselves, our rights, and our selfish desires.

That is how I am supposed to live all of my life as a Christian.  When I do this, I am worshiping God.  Let’s now apply this to sex.  If I am having sex this way, then sex has to be selfless.

This means several things.  It is selfish of me to want my sexual desires met outside of God’s plan for heterosexual marriage. Therefore, if I choose to have heterosexual sex before marriage, I am being selfish.  If I choose to participate in homosexuality, I am being selfish.  I am saying I want whatever I want.  I am not willing to die to myself.

What about for those who are married as husband and wife (male and female)?  Sex can be selfish in that context as well. What if I just want to use my spouse sexually so I can feel a certain way emotionally or physically.  That’s not about me selflessly loving my spouse.  It becomes about me, and that is selfish!

I would prefer to not write about this, but I can’t do this blog with integrity if I don’t write about it.  The question must be raised- What about masturbation?  I know that we never talk about this in a church context, but we need to be talking about it.

I want to say not everyone agrees with me, but I want you to know that the position I am about to explain comes from a great deal of Bible Study and prayer, as well as seeking counsel from others.

Here goes:

I want to address masturbation from the selfishness issue, but I want to start off by talking about lusting.  I don’t know anyone who is able to masturbate without having lustful thoughts while this is going on.  The Bible has much to say about lust, but let me just give you a few thoughts.

In the Old Testament in Genesis, there is a story where a married woman makes sexual advances at Joseph.  It would have been very easy for Joseph to give into lust in those moments, but he resisted this temptation.  In fact, the sexual advances of this woman became so intense that Joseph literally ran away from her.  The Bible teaches us to flee, to run the opposite direction of our lust.

1 John 2 talks about how the lust of the flesh is of the world, not of God.  If I want to live a life of worship to God, I must put to death the things of the world (like lust), so my heart is free to bow down to only Him!

In many of Paul’s writing he refers to immorality as idolatry.  At the root of immorality is lust.  In essence, if I am participating in lust, then I am setting myself up for a life of idolatry.

Therefore, when I participate in masturbation, I am giving myself opportunity to lust, and this means I am giving myself the chance to bow down to something that is not God.  This is one reason that masturbation is to be avoided, but it is not the only reason.

Masturbation is not just lustful.  It is selfish.  It is really just trying to have sex with oneself.  Sex was designed to occur between two people (male and female).  When I masturbate, I am not doing sex as God intended it, and the entire focus in on myself.

As I stated earlier in this blog, we are to have the same attitude of Jesus.  Jesus selflessly went to the cross.  I want to emulate His life of selflessness in everything including sex.  I would love for someone to show me how they can masturbate without lust or selfishness playing a factor.

Therefore, selfless sex can’t involve:

  1. Masturbation
  2. Heterosexual sex outside of marriage
  3. Homosexuality

How can we be selfless sexually?

If I am single, I let the Holy Spirit empower me to die to myself so I can stay connected to Jesus, bow down to only Him, and trust Him with His plan for sex.  I mentor many single guys, and this can be a significant challenge.  I know this though.  When we do sex selfishly, it is unfulfilling.  When we do sex and life selflessly, God is worshiped, and we have fulfillment from living out our purpose (to worship Him).

If I am married, there will be times where I need to abstain from sex because that is the most selfless thing to do for my spouse.  Obviously, there will be times when sex will happen.  I know this is super awkward, but hang with me.  During sex, ask the Lord, “What does my partner need?”.  Throughout foreplay and intercourse, let the Holy Spirit empower you to selflessly love your spouse.  When I am married and do sex this way, it is worship.

Again, this might be too much information, but when you do sex this way, it actually feels better.  It’s crazy how that works. Selfless sex pleases my spouse, it feels good, and it is worship to God.

You would almost think God drew it up that way.

When we reflect on the selflessness of Jesus, our hearts our filled with gratitude.  When our hearts our filled with gratitude towards God, we our moved to worship Him.  One of the ways we worship Him is by emulating His selflessness.

May we be selfless when it comes to sex, but more importantly, may we be selfless in how we live our lives.  The Gospel calls us to live this way!

Sex is for pleasure –

This may seem a bit embarrassing for some, but we are not going to be ashamed to write about what God chose to put in Scripture.  We are going to just look at several verses from Song of Solomon.

Song of Solomon 1:1 says, “May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!  For your love is better than wine.”

If his love is better than wine than I would think his kisses feel good.  Therefore, they bring her pleasure.

Song of Solomon 4:9-11a says, “You have made my heart beat faster, my sister, my bride; You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes, with a single strand of your necklace.  How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your oils than all kinds of spices!  Your lips, my bride, drip honey; Honey and milk are under your tongue.”

If her love is better than wine, than I bet her love feels good to him.  If her lips drip like honey and honey and milk, are under her tongue, I am thinking those kisses taste good to him.  This is pleasing to him.  It brings him pleasure.

Song of Solomon 4:16 says, “Awake, O north wind, and come, wind of the south; Make my garden breathe out fragrance, let its spices be wafted abroad.  May my beloved come into his garden and eat its choice fruits!”

She wants him to come to her and pleasure her.  When he comes to her, she wants it to bring him pleasure as well.

Song of Solomon 7:6-9 says, “How beautiful and how delightful you are, my love, with all your charms!  Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters.  I said, ‘I will climb the palm tree, I will take hold of its fruit stalks.’  Oh, may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the fragrance of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine!”

If she is delightful to him, then she is pleasing to him.  He wants to enjoy her breasts, and he wants to kiss her and enjoy her mouth.  This feels good to him.  This feels good to her.  It feels good to both.  What does it bring them?  Pleasure!!!

Look, I know this is not how we talk every day, and I certainly know that we don’t talk about this stuff every day.  But God saw fit to put it in His Holy Word.  Why?  I believe he wanted us to know that doing sex his way (one man and one woman in the context of marriage as husband and wife) is a beautiful thing.

God wants husband and wife to be intimate with one another.  He wants them to be faithful to only each other.  He wants them to care for each other selflessly in all aspects of marriage, including how they care for each other physically.  When the husband and wife do marriage like this and sex like this, then it brings them great pleasure!!!

Don’t misunderstand me.  If you participate in sex outside of marriage, it feels good.  Why?  It feels good because sex feels good, but there is a different pleasure that is experienced when sex occurs between man and wife in the context of marriage.

There is no shame like the one experiences from sin when they sin sexually.  I know this from firsthand experience.  The beauty of doing sex God’s way is I get all the pleasure that sex was intended for without any of the shame.

There is no shame when sex is done God’s way, and I would argue that the pleasure experience is far greater when you do sex God’s way.

Why is this such a big deal to me?  I deal with men and students every day who are sacrificing their lives for a moment of sexual pleasure (looking at porn, sexting back and forth with someone, video sex, extramarital affair).  All of them would tell you that the shame they feel later is off the charts, but that desire for pleasure controls them in that moment (no matter how intense the shame will be later).  For the married couple, God wants to provide them a lifetime of sexual pleasure with each other, but we too often settle for something else.

I want to teach my children this, and I want you to do the same.  I want to teach the students that I encounter this, and I want you to do the same.

We have an entire generation growing up totally confused about sex because of how perverse our culture has become.  Is it awkward to engage our children in these conversations?  YES!!!  It is awkward for them, and it is awkward for my wife and me.  Is it awkward for me to stand up and teach these truths to students?  YES!!!  It is awkward for those students and for me as I am teaching.

But I must fight through the awkwardness, and you must do the same thing.  The culture does not feel awkward having porn occupy 1/2 the internet.  The culture does not feel awkward having sexual advertisements all over billboards, TV, social media, and the internet, etc.  The culture does not feel awkward about having sex scenes in movies that middle schoolers and younger will attend.  The culture does not feel awkward about cramming the LGBTQ agenda down our throat.  We must fight through the awkwardness and teach the younger generation God’s purpose for sex.

It is an act of worship.  It is about intimacy and faithfulness.  It is a selfless act.  We will talk about how it can produce a Godly heritage and how it intended to be heterosexual only.  But make sure there is no misunderstanding.  One of God’s purposes for sex is pleasure!!!  He created it for us to enjoy in the context of Biblical marriage.

If you are single, trust God’s timing for marriage if He desires you to be married.  In no way am I saying this is easy.  You can refer to Purpose for Sex, Part 3 for more on this.

If you have children, teach them these truths.  If we don’t, just remember that the culture is teaching them their version of truth.  May we fight through the awkwardness to teach our children’s God’s purpose in regards to sex.

If you are married, go enjoy the gift that God has you and your spouse.  Just remember the more it’s about intimacy, faithfulness, and selflessness, the more pleasing it will be.  Believe it or not, experiencing pleasure in the context of sex done God’s way is 100% an act of worship.

May we worship Him in sex and in life!

Sex produces a Godly heritage –

Last time we talked about how “sex is for pleasure”.  However, that is not all it is intended for.  Sex is also meant to produce a Godly heritage.  Because we are so fixated on pleasure and selfishness in our culture, this point about sex seems to have been completely lost.  It has been lost in culture for sure, but it has also been lost in the church as well.

In Genesis 1, God commands us to “Be fruitful and multiply”.  There are some Christian married couples who are unable to have biological children.  We have had friends walk through this, and we have watched them experience all kinds of pain through that experience.  We have also watched those friends pursue adoption, and God is allowing them to produce a Godly heritage through adoption.

There are other Christian married couples who simply choose to not have children.  From my perspective, this is selfish and disobedient to God.  God wants us to be fruitful and multiply and produce a Godly heritage.

There are Christian married couples who do have biological children, but from my perspective many couples stop having biological children way too soon.  I am not saying that God wants everyone to have a really big family, but I am saying this.  Muslims in America reproduce about 7 children per household.  American Christians reproduce about 2 children per household.  We need to seek the Lord through prayer and fasting to see how many children the Lord may want us to have to produce the Godly heritage that He desires.

Like we looked at last time, sex is for pleasure.  No doubt!  Just remember this, while married couples are enjoying their sexual relationship, producing a Godly heritage must be a priority along the way.  What does it look like to produce a Godly heritage?  As a follower of Jesus, I have no control over whether my children will follow Christ or not.  However, there are some things I can do to intentionally pursue their heart.

I have 8 children growing up in my home.  I have been a parent for almost 19 years.  The first 12 years of my parenting journey, I was not a very good dad.  I was okay, but I was not great at investing in my children.  I was very selfish, and I was chasing my career.  This was a huge mistake.

I repented to God, my wife, and my children.

There are 3 things my wife and I try to do now to really pursue the hearts of our kids.  When we pursue the hearts of our children, we are laying the foundation of what could be a Godly heritage.  God is responsible for bringing any spiritual growth, but I am responsible for pursuing their heart.

What are the 3 things we do in our home with our children?

  • Relationally Connect
  • Spiritually Invest
  • Appropriately Protect

Relationally Connect –

In 1 Thessalonians 2:8 Paul tells us that people there had become so dear to him that he shared the truth of the Gospel and his very life.  We must share the truth of the Gospel with our kids, but we must also give them our lives.  How do we do this?  We have game nights, movie nights, and watch old shows like “I Love Lucy”.  We date our kids in groups, and we date our children one on one.  We try to do this at least twice a month.  All of this takes a great deal of time, but it is worth it.  This is how we relationally connect with our children.

We don’t just want to give them our lives.  Like Paul, we want to give them the truth of the Gospel.  Christ’s death and resurrection saves me from hell and empowers me to live a life to the glory of God.  Kelly and I want to give our children our lives, and we want to impart the truth of the Gospel to our children.

Spiritually Invest –

Spiritual investment is more than just sharing the truth of the Gospel with our children.  We must live out the Gospel in front of them.

Deuteronomy 6 tells us that we are to love God with everything that we have, and we are to model this for our children.  Producing a Godly heritage requires spiritual investment.  I cannot spiritually invest in my children if I am not loving God with my whole heart.  My wife and I ask the Lord to give us the strength to model this for our kids.  This covers everything from devotional life, career, church involvement, entertainment choices, Kingdom of God investment, etc.

Spiritual investment also includes instruction.  Deuteronomy 6 also speaks of talking to your children about loving God wholeheartedly.  We try to do this in many different ways in our home (reading Bible stories to our younger children, having God/Bible discussions with our older children, praying for our children, etc.).

Appropriately Protect –

In Nehemiah 4, the children of Israel are trying to rebuild the wall of Jerusalem.  They face opposition, so their leader, Nehemiah, has them carry a sword in one hand and a tool in the other.  I think the tools of parenting are relational connection and spiritual investment.  I think the sword for parenting would be us appropriately protecting them.

We live in a very evil world, and it is our responsibility to protect our children from this evil.  We cannot be overprotective, but we do need to protect their hearts as much as we can.  As a general rule we try to protect from that which is evil.  We don’t try to protect our kids from pain.  At least we try not do this.  Pain is one of the greatest agents God uses to conform us into His image.  Don’t protect from pain.  Protect from evil!!!!

Like I have said throughout this blog, connecting and investing in our children does not guarantee that we will produce a Godly heritage, but it does put their heart in the best place to hear from the Lord.  Let them hear from the Lord, and let Him draw our kids to Himself.  I would much rather they be children of God than children of Josh and Kelly.  Only He can change their heart.

May we enjoy sex in the context of Biblical marriage!  May we experience all kinds of pleasure doing sex this way!  But may we remember to use sex to help produce a Godly heritage for Gods Kingdom.

Kelly and I believe with all our heart that our children are the greatest investment we can make in the Kingdom of God.  Through them, we have a chance to produce a Godly heritage.  To not see that sex makes this possible is to limit God’s purpose for sex.

God honoring sex can only be heterosexual – 

Again, I am sorry it has taken me so long to get another post up.  I don’t want to keep blaming it on life, but it has still been crazy.  I continue to disciple many men and students, and I continue to have a heavy speaking load. Moreover, our almost 2-year-old fractured his forearm.  Praise the Lord that his arm is supposed to completely heal.

Enough of my excuses of why I haven’t posted for about 10 days.  Let’s crank out one more post.

This will be our last post in our 7-part series on the “Purpose for Sex”.  We have looked at how “sex is worship”, how “sex is about intimacy”, how “sex demonstrates faithfulness”, how “sex is intended to be a selfless act”, how “sex is for pleasure”, and how “sex produces a Godly heritage”.  Today we will look at how “God honoring sex can only be heterosexual”.  Scripture is clear on this point.  Our culture does not see it that way so even trying to address it can prove to be controversial.  I will attempt to be as non-controversial as possible, while sharing the truth in love.

Just a few quick reminders: Why am I writing about this? –

  1. Many of the men and students I have helped were not taught the true purpose of sex growing up, either in their homes or in church.
  2. Culture is teaching many false things about sex and its purpose.
  3. If I understand the purpose for sex, then I have a much better shot of understanding God’s boundaries.

7 Purposes of Sex (not saying this is all there is, but these 7 are outlined in Scripture for sure) –

  1. Sex is worship.
  2. Sex is about intimacy.
  3. Sex demonstrates faithfulness.
  4. Sex is intended to be a selfless act.
  5. Sex is for pleasure.
  6. Sex produces a Godly heritage.
  7. God honoring sex can only be heterosexual.

Today’s Post – “God honoring sex can only be heterosexual”

Let me start off by saying a few things.

First, many who claim to know Christ have been very unkind to the LGBTQ community.  That is unacceptable and is not the purpose of today’s post or any of my posts.  It is the kindness of God that leads people to Him!

Secondly, many who claim to know Christ have come out in favor of homosexuality.  From my perspective, this has produced a ton of confusion.

Thirdly, please know I have met with many young men in a one to one context who are not participating in sex God’s way. This includes sitting across from many who are participating in homosexuality.  I love them the best way I know how and point them to the Scriptures and the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

This is what I will attempt to do in this blog post.

Sex was ordained by God in the garden of Eden between Adam and Eve (one man and one woman).  One point I would like to make is that if God was signing off on homosexual sex, wouldn’t he have ordained homosexual sex at the beginning of time like He did with heterosexual sex?

God had an entire book written on sex called Song of Solomon.  That entire book is about heterosexual sex.  If God wanted and was okay with homosexual sex, would He not have had Song of Solomon mention it?  Would He not have had another book written on it?

1 Corinthians 6 condemns homosexuality.  Keep in mind it condemns many other things.  We tend to only focus on homosexuality, but there were other things mentioned as well (things like sexual sin, idolatry, stealing, greed, drunkenness, gossiping/slandering, swindling, etc.).

Side note: I want to continue in this blog to point out how God honoring sex can only be heterosexual, but I need to stop here and make a point.  All sin dishonors God!  When we pursue sex outside of heterosexual marriage that dishonors God!  When we bow down to false idols that dishonors God!  When we steal that dishonors God!  When we are greedy that dishonors God! When we get drunk that dishonors God!  When we gossip or slander or swindle that dishonors God!  All sin dishonors God. We must look at the stuff in our heart.  If Jesus is Messiah, then He must be Master!  It is a lifelong pursuit to let Him master our hearts.

The purpose of today’s post is not to throw rocks at those in the LGBTQ community.  If you read my blogs you know I condemn all sin, all idolatry.  Why do I do this?  God condemns all sin.  That is why we need Jesus to save us, and I am so thankful for Christ’s sacrifice!

Back to the purpose of this post.  Like I said, 1 Corinthians 6 condemns it, and so does Romans 1.  Romans 1 goes so far as to say that sex between man and woman is natural, and sex between same sex is to be considered unnatural.  God calls these acts shameful, and they are.  And so is a bunch of other sin.  And make sure we are clear, homosexuality is sin.

Sex is not something that exists over on its own little island.  Sex is created by God, and it is an act that is meant to be worshipful!  Sex must run through the lens of Scripture and the lens of the Gospel.  Therefore, understanding the purposes of sex is so important.  Let’s go back and look at two of the purposes of sex I have outlined in this series:

Sex is worship

If I am to worship God with sex, then it is only worshipful if I am doing it His way.  If I am pursuing homosexuality, I am worshiping my partner, myself, or both.  I am not worshiping God!!!

Sex produces a Godly heritage

I am not at all poking fun or trying to be graphic, as much as I am just trying to be as honest as I can about what God created. I have an extension cord at my house.  There is a male end and a female end.  I can plug the male end into the female end. Why can I do this?  They fit.  The same is true of male and female sexual organs.  They fit!  God designed it this way.  Last post we shared how God wants sex to produce a Godly heritage.  When the male sperm connects with the female egg, a life is formed.  Life begins at conception (that will be a post for another day).  Homosexual sex cannot reproduce a life.  If one of God’s purposes of sex was to reproduce life (Godly heritage), then how does homosexual sex fit in His purposes?  The answer is that it doesn’t!

Let me be clear.  I am condemning homosexual sex because God does (like many other sins).  I am honoring heterosexual sex because God does (like many other acts of worship).  I am not condemning homosexuals.  Many Christians are drawn to that lifestyle.  The only way to walk away from it is to let Christ become Master!  The reason many Christian that are drawn to that lifestyle choose that lifestyle is simply because the LGBTQ community is more loving and accepting that many “Christians” in the church.

Here is an idea.  Love people where they are at, and let God’s kindness lead them to Him (not our preaching, pointing fingers, or our shame).  What if the church out loved the LGBTQ community?  Much could come from this.  One of the things that could come from that kind of love would be for homosexuals and lesbians to be more likely to even listen to God’s purpose for sex as outlined in Scripture.  I promise you they are not going to be listening while I am preaching at them!

Sorry for my rant.  I am just trying to share from my heart

Bottom Line – 

May these 7 purposes be a guide for us regarding sex, and may we honor God in the act of sex, as well as every area of our lives.