Today we will continue our 7-part series on the “Purpose for Sex”. We have looked at how “sex is worship”, how “sex is about intimacy”, how “sex demonstrates faithfulness”, and how “sex is intended to be a selfless act”. Today we will look at how “sex is for pleasure”.
Just a few quick reminders: Why am I writing about this? –
- Many of the men and students I have helped were not taught the true purpose of sex growing up, either in their homes or in church.
- Culture is teaching many false things about sex and its purpose.
- If I understand the purpose for sex, then I have a much better shot of understanding God’s boundaries.
7 Purposes of Sex (not saying this is all there is, but these 7 are outlined in Scripture for sure) –
- Sex is worship.
- Sex is about intimacy.
- Sex demonstrates faithfulness.
- Sex is intended to be a selfless act.
- Sex is for pleasure.
- Sex produces a Godly heritage.
- God honoring sex can only be heterosexual.
For today – “Sex is for pleasure”.
This may seem a bit embarrassing for some, but we are not going to be ashamed to write about what God chose to put in Scripture. We are going to just look at several verses from Song of Solomon.
Song of Solomon 1:1 says, “May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine.”
If his love is better than wine than I would think his kisses feel good. Therefore, they bring her pleasure.
Song of Solomon 4:9-11a says, “You have made my heart beat faster, my sister, my bride; You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes, with a single strand of your necklace. How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your oils than all kinds of spices! Your lips, my bride, drip honey; Honey and milk are under your tongue.”
If her love is better than wine, than I bet her love feels good to him. If her lips drip like honey and honey and milk, are under her tongue, I am thinking those kisses taste good to him. This is pleasing to him. It brings him pleasure.
Song of Solomon 4:16 says, “Awake, O north wind, and come, wind of the south; Make my garden breathe out fragrance, let its spices be wafted abroad. May my beloved come into his garden and eat its choice fruits!”
She wants him to come to her and pleasure her. When he comes to her, she wants it to bring him pleasure as well.
Song of Solomon 7:6-9 says, “How beautiful and how delightful you are, my love, with all your charms! Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I said, ‘I will climb the palm tree, I will take hold of its fruit stalks.’ Oh, may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the fragrance of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine!”
If she is delightful to him, then she is pleasing to him. He wants to enjoy her breasts, and he wants to kiss her and enjoy her mouth. This feels good to him. This feels good to her. It feels good to both. What does it bring them? Pleasure!!!
Look, I know this is not how we talk every day, and I certainly know that we don’t talk about this stuff every day. But God saw fit to put it in His Holy Word. Why? I believe he wanted us to know that doing sex his way (one man and one woman in the context of marriage as husband and wife) is a beautiful thing.
God wants husband and wife to be intimate with one another. He wants them to be faithful to only each other. He wants them to care for each other selflessly in all aspects of marriage, including how they care for each other physically. When the husband and wife do marriage like this and sex like this, then it brings them great pleasure!!!
Don’t misunderstand me. If you participate in sex outside of marriage, it feels good. Why? It feels good because sex feels good, but there is a different pleasure that is experienced when sex occurs between man and wife in the context of marriage.
There is no shame like the one experiences from sin when they sin sexually. I know this from firsthand experience. The beauty of doing sex God’s way is I get all the pleasure that sex was intended for without any of the shame.
There is no shame when sex is done God’s way, and I would argue that the pleasure experience is far greater when you do sex God’s way.
Why is this such a big deal to me? I deal with men and students every day who are sacrificing their lives for a moment of sexual pleasure (looking at porn, sexting back and forth with someone, video sex, extramarital affair). All of them would tell you that the shame they feel later is off the charts, but that desire for pleasure controls them in that moment (no matter how intense the shame will be later). For the married couple, God wants to provide them a lifetime of sexual pleasure with each other, but we too often settle for something else.
I want to teach my children this, and I want you to do the same. I want to teach the students that I encounter this, and I want you to do the same.
We have an entire generation growing up totally confused about sex because of how perverse our culture has become. Is it awkward to engage our children in these conversations? YES!!! It is awkward for them, and it is awkward for my wife and me. Is it awkward for me to stand up and teach these truths to students? YES!!! It is awkward for those students and for me as I am teaching.
But I must fight through the awkwardness, and you must do the same thing. The culture does not feel awkward having porn occupy 1/2 the internet. The culture does not feel awkward having sexual advertisements all over billboards, TV, social media, and the internet, etc. The culture does not feel awkward about having sex scenes in movies that middle schoolers and younger will attend. The culture does not feel awkward about cramming the LGBTQ agenda down our throat. We must fight through the awkwardness and teach the younger generation God’s purpose for sex.
It is an act of worship. It is about intimacy and faithfulness. It is a selfless act. We will talk about how it can produce a Godly heritage and how it intended to be heterosexual only. But make sure there is no misunderstanding. One of God’s purposes for sex is pleasure!!! He created it for us to enjoy in the context of Biblical marriage.
If you are single, trust God’s timing for marriage if He desires you to be married. In no way am I saying this is easy. You can refer to Purpose for Sex, Part 3 for more on this.
If you have children, teach them these truths. If we don’t, just remember that the culture is teaching them their version of truth. May we fight through the awkwardness to teach our children’s God’s purpose in regards to sex.
If you are married, go enjoy the gift that God has you and your spouse. Just remember the more it’s about intimacy, faithfulness, and selflessness, the more pleasing it will be. Believe it or not, experiencing pleasure in the context of sex done God’s way is 100% an act of worship.
May we worship Him in sex and in life!