Sexual Sin Recovery, Sex is Sacred! (Part 3)

Today I will continue my blog posts looking at my Sexual Sin Recovery and Sex is Sacred pages from my site.  I said this last time, but I will say it again.  As you read the information, you will see that the principles apply beyond the sexual arena.  They apply to life in general.  Life is sacred and is about worshiping Jesus!  There is freedom from bondage no matter what that bondage is, and that freedom comes only from Christ.  With that said, let’s continue looking at Sexual Sin Recovery.

Sexual Sin Recovery

Reminder: the road to freedom is not an easy one. It can take close to a year or even longer. In reality the road to freedom is a lifelong journey.

In our recent posts, we have focused on confession (confession to God and others) and finding both a mentor and sponsor to walk with you on the journey.  In this post we will focus on:

Sexual Sin Inventory – Get a piece of paper and write down every sexual sin ever committed and read Isaiah 6:1-5 (reflect on God’s Holiness), then confess each sin to God and read Isaiah 6:6-7 (reflect on God’s forgiveness that comes in Christ), and finally destroy the list (If you are in Christ, your sexual sin does not define who you are).

Let’s break this down.  To do the inventory assignment you will need several hours alone.  This was not a fun experience for me at all, but it was one that was definitely needed!  It took me about 4 hours to do.  Why should one do this assignment?

I believe that a person cannot truly find freedom from bondage until they see the ugliness of their sin compared to the holiness of God.  When you write down every act of sexual immorality, you see the wretchedness of your sin.  When you read Isaiah 6:1-5, you see God’s glory and holiness in the face of your sin.

It is possible after writing all this down that you feel some sense of shame.  If that is the case, I would read Genesis 3.  This helps you see what God does with our shame.  He does not want us to try to cover up or hide from Him.  He wants us to know that He can meet us in our shame and cover up our shame.

How does He cover our shame?  He covers us with Christ’s sacrifice on the cross!  After you have written down every sin, you go back and confess each sin to God.

Let me pause by saying that it is possible you have not committed your life to Christ.  The person who does not know Christ and is in sexual bondage does not have any covering for their shame.  The only way to experience covering for our shame and freedom from sexual bondage comes from surrendering control of our lives to Christ and receiving the forgiveness that He offers.  If you have not done this, then do this today!

If you know Christ, you are not confessing each sin to be more forgiven.  You are confessing so that you can remind yourself that you are forgiven.  Isaiah experiences God’s forgiveness in Isaiah 6:6-7.  When you do this assignment, you too can experience a fresh forgiveness from Almighty God.

Not only do I believe one must know how they have violated God’s holiness, but I believe one must understand how completely forgiven they really are!  When you do this assignment, you experience both.  At least that is the goal any way.

When you finish, you destroy the list.  Some recovery programs encourage you to share this with someone else.  I do not think you should do that!  I think the details of this is between you and God.  When finished confessing, I would encourage you to destroy the list.  I threw mine away.  I have known people to shred them or burn them.  The bottom line is you destroy it!  Why?  If I know Christ, the sin on that paper does not define who I am.  Jesus and His righteousness defines me!

Like I said, this is not a fun assignment.  I did not enjoy it at all until the end.  It was at this point that God revealed to me my sin was as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12) and is buried in the depth of the sea (Micah 7:19).  That is great news!  That is the gospel!  Jesus forgives our sin and sets us free!

If you find yourself in a sexual mess, what are you waiting for?  Confess your sin to God and those close to you in your life.  Find someone to walk with you on the journey as you pursue freedom.  Get alone with God and unpack that sexual sin inventory before Him, and He will help experience true cleansing!

We all must remember: For the one who knows Christ, sin does not define us!  We are defined by Christ and His cross and His empty tomb!

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Sexual Sin Recovery, Sex is Sacred! (Part 2)

I want to continue my blog posts looking at my Sexual Sin Recovery and Sex is Sacred pages from my site.  Again, as you read the information, you will see that the principles apply beyond the sexual arena.  They apply to life in general.  Life is sacred and is about worshiping Jesus!  There is freedom from bondage no matter what that bondage is, and that freedom comes only from Christ.  With that said, let’s continue looking at Sexual Sin Recovery.

Sexual Sin Recovery

Reminder: the road to freedom is not an easy one. It can take close to a year or even longer. In reality the road to freedom is a lifelong journey.

In our last post we focused on confession (confession to God and others).  In this post we will focus on the following:

  • Find a mentor to meet with who understands how to walk in freedom from sexual sin.  It is ideal if you have someone further along the journey walking with you and leading you.  Meet weekly if possible.
  • Sponsor – Contact this person daily to check in so they can hold you accountable.

It is extremely important to find someone to help you on the journey of life who has been where you have been.  This is true in all of life, as well as sexual sin recovery.  How do you find this kind of mentor?  Ask people in your life if they can help.  Ask people in your life if they know someone who can help.  As you look for a mentor, make sure it is someone of the same sex, and meet with them on a consistent basis.

Let’s say you can’t find a mentor.  I would encourage you to pray and fast and request of the Lord to find you a mentor.  Another option is to let certain authors you read mentor you through recovery. (Michael Cusick-Surfing for God, Joe McIlhaney-Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our Children and Girls Uncovered: New Research on What America’s Sexual Culture Does to Young Women, Tim Keller-Counterfeit Gods, Apostle Paul-Romans 1-8, Ephesians 1-3, Colossians 1-2).

Ultimately the greatest mentor you can have is the Holy Spirit.  If you have surrendered your life to Christ, then the Holy Spirit lives inside your life, and He wants to empower you and walk with you step for step (Ephesians 5:18, Galatians 5:16).  If you will constantly run away from sexual temptation and run to the Holy Spirit, He will lead you on your journey of recovery.

It is also great to find someone who can sponsor you as you go through recovery.  Again, this needs to be someone of the same sex.  Your sponsor cannot be your boyfriend/girlfriend, fiancee, or spouse.  You contact this person every day (phone call, email, text).  What do you tell them?  You are honest with them.  You tell them you ran away from sexual sin that day or you gave in.  This person’s commitment to you is to pray for you on your journey of recovery.  Contact them daily for at least 30 days.  This helps you get in the habit of living in the light with your struggle!  It is no longer a secret.

One of the things you will see in this portion of the recovery journey is the commitment required.  It is hard to contact someone every day.  It is hard to find a mentor.  It is hard to not get discouraged during the search to find a mentor.  Question: How committed are you to this sin not being in your life?

For me personally, it was very humbling to contact someone daily.  It was very discouraging in my quest to find a mentor.  However, I was persistent.  I did not want this sin in my life any more, and God in His grace empowered me to contact my sponsor.  God in His grace helped me find 2 men who could help me on my journey.

Final thoughts: Are you willing to do whatever is necessary to pursue freedom?  Are you willing to be as persistent as necessary?  Are you willing to be humbled?  I can speak from personal experience.  It is absolutely worth it, and Jesus is absolutely worthy of it!  Go pursue freedom in Christ and ask God to direct you to people who can help you on the journey!